have you found it?

Many people find it hard to grasp the main principle in life. They all want to excel in everything they do; in work, in studies, in sports, in games even in love. Most will aim for an A in whatever they have devoted themselves to, be it studies or work, but how many actually aim for an A in life? No matter how successful one can be in their work place or in their studies, if they have no purpose in life, everything is meaningless. What is the point of gaining all the money you can, all the A’s in all of the subjects you are studying, but do not have a true purpose that you are actually living for? One may say that money is their purpose in life, but how long can it last? Material things fade away, and when they fade away, what else is there to live on for? One will end up moving from things to things, items to items, people to people to search for that one thing that can keep them living on this earth with enough reasons. What good will these bring them then? Where will they go from there? A true purpose in life is when everything is stripped off a person, and he or she still lives on with a satisfied heart, knowing that he or she has enough reasons to live a fulfilled life.

Have you found a true purpose in life?

normal / special ??

Many times i ask a very common question almost everyone would ask- "why me?". There are times in my life when things are placed onto my shoulder and i just do not know whether i am fit for it or not, and what is worse, people around me actually believe that i can do it. Ironic is it not? That people believe in you more than you believe in yourself. To begin with, i totally rate myself as someone normal, not really special in any ways. Comparing myself with people around me, i see so many great individuals in whom are so great in their own ways, and honestly i envy them at times. They can write better than me, they are better interms of academics, they read faster, they run faster, they talk better, they think faster even, and they are just so matured n capable in many ways, so much so that i do not even stand a chance if i were to stand next to any of them and begin comparing myself with them. They seem greater, and no matter what i do or say, i can never surpass them, not in any ways that i know of ofcourse.

Dispite all these complicated low self esteem, people keep telling me that i am special, as a special girl in my life would say :" You're special to me Jien." =), Thanks Nicole, really appreciate that. Well, maybe i do stand a certain value in her life, but who am really in my own life? Am i not suppose to be the main character in my life? Why cant i just see a tiny little bit of greatness in myself? Why cant i just stop comparing myself with others? Everyone is imperfect isnt it? Then how come they seem so perfect to me in my eyes? Questions after questions, none will be answered with satisfactory for i am the judge to all answers given to these questions, and as much as i do not want to accept certain facts, i hear and listen nothing to what others say, as long as it is not what i want to hear, it will not pass. Such ignorance? Ignorance is bliss? No, not all the time. =)

I want to be smarter. I want to be taller. I want to be bigger. I want to be quicker. I want to be greater in many ways, i want i want i want...but i cant, or atleast not yet. I am just a normal kid, i have never topped in class, i have never excell extremely well in sports, i have never really out spoken anyone in debates, or write an article so great that it gets posted up in newspaper.=P...i am just a normal person, and no doubt, so is everyone else around me, just that i do not see it. This feeling of being normal is beginning to confuse me, for the longer i feel this way, the more it seems as if i want to feel normal, and i just want to be normal for the sake of feeling normal. As weird or insane as it may seem, it is true. For even if i am able to solve a hundred calculus questions in a minute or run as fast as a lightning, i will still say i am normal. This normality feeling is getting into me, it has become part of me for some reason, and i just cannot get rid of it.

Am i truely normal then? Well, scientifically speaking, i am. I have normal body cells, no mutated ones (Thank God, if not i'll be dying in months to come). I have bones and flesh, i have 2 eyes, 2 arms and 2 legs. I am pretty much a normal person on the outside. But the question here is whether am i normal on the inside? I do not know. But i do know that i am a son of God, is that supposed to be special then? i guess so. I am created different from others, so therefore i am special? Logically speaking, yes. Do i feel special? I don't really know what to feel like anymore...

I may not be as smart as most people, i may not be as tall or big as most people, i may not be as good in music or sports as others, but i am sure i am still who i am, God made me so, thus i am different from others and that itself makes me special. What does it really mean to be special? To be better than others? To shine above the rest? If every outstanding quality of a person reflects how special the person is, then who is truely special? I believe, a person is special based on their own personality and the fact that he or she is not like anyone else, and that itself makes him or her special, not just in the eyes of mortals, but also in the eyes of God.=)

I am special. Not because i can do things that others cannot, not that i can impress or charm people better than anyone else, but the simple fact that i am different from others is what makes me special. Who am i? I am a son of God. Special? Yeah, i guess. Thank You God, You made me special.=)

wordless..

I want to say so many things, but i just cannot find the right words to say, or rather i cannot find the right way to arrange my sentences in such a way i present completely in a perfect manner of what i want it to. In the end, writing becomes meaningless. Thoughts flow in the head, but no words written down. Indeed, i am wordless...

Do you truely know me?

Create your own Friend Test here

Leaning Tower of Sprite

Well, i was sitting on the same usual dining table, at the same usual dining place- Medan. And as usual, the food came very slowly, and the drinks came 1st. Waiting , waiting and waiting, i got bored so i decided to do something with my can drink. After pouring out a portion of the drink into the cup, and putting a pinch of my muscles into work, i got the can standing like the Leaning Tower of Pissa.*thumbs up* Enjoy the nice piece of art, and do not try this at home.=P

PS: Its real, no camera trick or what so ever.

Book of life

It has been hard these days to put my thoughts into words. Sliding my fingers on the keyboard has become a natural movement when it comes to chatting online with friends, but when it comes to expressing my thoughts, hesitation always appears and leads me into nothingness. An empty page leads to an empty page, and brain full of thoughts becomes thin air when tried to print into words. Everytime i start to write, the words that come out ever so difficult from my jumbled mind will always be erased off in the end, when it just so suddenly turned meaningless. Even as i am typing my thoughts now, every second i doubt whether this will last, wondering whether my hand would just trigger a simple button and be rid of everything. Unpredictable eventhough it is of part of my own body, an organ in which i could control so well, yet fail to keep hold of it many times.

If you think about it, our lives is also in a very similiar dimension. We were born and brought up to be a man or woman. We tackle life and meet lots of experiences and people. We began to write down our stories in each of our very own blank piece of white paper. From the very little issue that hurts us so bad, to the biggest problems that really crushed us into paper balls. From the very 1st day we meet the friendliest people in our lives, till the day we find ourselves holding such grudge on certain souls that we dispised so much of. Our successes, failures, loves, interests, fellowships, friendships, possesions, all these were put down into the blank piece of book, a book in which we call it LIFE.

Then one day, we will begin to look back into the pages of our lives, and begin to see and realise the ugly moments of our lives in which we hoped that it never had occured. We then begin to take an eraser, ink remover, liquid paper, and by all means try to get rid of the black print in which will not disappear, only leaving us to sigh in vain. Regreting the past actions, we then vow not to ever get involve in that particular activity anymore, but being imperfect, we some how end up doing the same thing and going through the same pain we went through before. Then we decide not to record them, and to just leave the page of ugly moments blank, thinking that we are smart enough to evade the pain. But some how or the other, the pen moves by itself, and memories are yet again written down no matter how much we hate it.

We try tearing it, we try burning it, we try dumping it somewhere far far away, but nothing's changed. Every page we tear, will not split. Every piece we burn, will not flame. Every paper we throw, will be blown back by an invisible wind. As frustrating as it can be, we are helpless, and not to mention, hopeless.

Such is life? Yes, but such is not the end of life. Some where along the line, we will meet someone in which would come into our lives and change us for the better; giving us hope and light. He will come and recieve us into His own hands and begin to write our stories for us, helping us day by day to forget the past words that were written in our lives. The dreading book of life of our own will ofcourse still be there, but He will come and give us a new book, a new beginning, a new hope. This new book of life is the book of eternal life, a life in which is given to us for eternity, a life with hope to live forever and ever. And with this new book of life, the past is past, not that it does not affect our lives anymore, but it has become meaningless by itself.

I have had my own book of life, a book where all the pages are filled with my happy and ugly moments, but now, i have obtained a new book of life. Stories written in it may still be the same, but what is different is that this book is no longer based on me,i and myself, but this book is centered around the very one who gave it all to me-The Almighty God.=)

Hiding place

Run run run, run into the wilderness, run into the land of unknown, run into where i would never go, run into my greatest fear.

Gaze upon the sky, look into the dark blue atmosphere, search for stars, search for moon, sees nothing but puffs of haze and clouds.

Sings a song, voices a tune, cracks a tone and brings the rain pouring.

Carries a bag, a bag full of tools, runs with bag, falls with bag, climbs and walks with bag, rugged as it is, its always on my back.

Drinks fresh water to fill my thirst, drink and drink, only to be thirsty again, wets a throat, dries a throat, a cycle ever so annoying.

Shafts fly towards me, knives pierce ever so painfully deep down my heart, fear rises within my soul, so much that i cannot stand.

Run run run, run into the wilderness, run into the land of unknown, run in search of a refuge so big to protect me from all things. Finds a place, finds a presence, finds a comforting silence. A place i have found, a place in which nobody can invade, a place where i go when fears arise, when terror strikes ever so maliciously. A place with the presence of the Almighty, a place with the everlasting peace and comfort, a place filled with ever flowing energy, a place where i will run and seek after it, as it has become my hiding place.

Life

Run like the wind,
fly like the eagle,
high up in the sky,
high and high it never comes down.

Jump like the monkey,
swim like the fish,
up on the tree and deep in the sea,
never seems to settle down.

Search for gold,
search for silver,
finds a coal,
falls a hope.

Climb a mountain,
travel a valley,
up up you go, and down down you come,
rise laugh, fall tears.

Run like the wind,
fly like the eagle,
jump like the monkey,
swim like the fish.

Search for gold,
search for silver,
climb a mountain,
travel a valley.

Falls and break,
rise and shine,
take it all, take it all,
take it all away from me.

Run a race hand in hand,
comforted when fall, carried when bled,
rejoiced when rised, acknowledged when succeeded,
run a race till the very end, the greatest Companion was with me.