Love never fails..=)

It has really been a really really really long time since i last posted anything up on my blog or even write a single letter just for the fun of it. But i guess every once in a while we all will feel like writing something in our lives about the people we know, the things that we do, our activities or interests, or even our thoughts and feelings. But i guess everything has been really different for me ever since i landed in New Zealand; the land of sheep, with the population of sheep exceeding the humans by 10 times. The weather is so dry and cooling, hot at times, windy, rainy..you can pretty much get 4 seasons in a day. Not that i am complaining about the weather, it does not really bother me much, the people are nice too; friendly, ever helpful, many times a bit too nice to believe that it's true. Despite all the things mentioned above, the one thing that really made me feel so different living here in New Zealand is that i am far away from my love ones, and for some, i am further away from them compared to before when i was still sipping coconut fluid with my hands behind the back of my head, lazing on the couch in Melaka. Everything has changed, for better or worse i do not know, but the sudden leap of alteration is slowly creeping up my mind, and i cannot help but wonder if everything will be all right.

I miss my family a lot, but more than that i miss my sunshine or rather Bebe or so i call her tremendously. We started off being quite far away from each other, with her being in UK and me being in Malaysia, but things just gone even farther when i came here. Now that we are 13 hours apart from each other, communication has become more difficult and many times we just feel so helpless and wonder when will we ever have the time to talk and listen to each other. Waking up everyday at 6am to talk to my Bebe is really tiring but it makes me happy to hear her voice every morning before i head for my breakfast and classes. It is always nice to just listen to her and tell her about my day previously right at the start of the day. =) we do not get to talk much but every single seconds of our conversation is precious to me.

My Bebe is pretty, smart and beautiful. If you ask me what i like about her most would most likely be her smile. To me her smile is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, it always make me smile too. =) If you ask me what i love about her, that would most definitely be everything about her; her good points and also her bad points, basically the whole of her. Ever since coming to New Zealand, I have been missing her a lot, i miss her laughter, i miss her smile, i miss her kisses and her fingers in which fit perfectly into the spaces between mine. I miss the times that we spent together; going about KL and Penang, even walking along the river in Malacca. I could still remember them all very clearly as if it just happened a few seconds ago. But now that we are so far away, it makes me sad at times thinking about the distance and what we will be going through the next 3 years. Life is going to be hard, and love is going to be harder..

I personally am afraid of LDR, but i have always believed that nothing is impossible. And if two person really love each other and want to be together, no matter how far the world can separate them apart, they will still some how make it happen. I guess many times distance actually kill a relationship when both parties let it get into them. They become more and more conscious of the distance, the time difference that is so ever annoying when it comes to communicating and finally they just wind up saying the relationship is not possible and leave. When people actually get to the point of doing so, they are most likely afraid and scared of what is ahead of them, and many times they just run away due to the unforeseen circumstances that they do not want to face. They feel that running away would help them escape the hurt that was about to come, but little do they know that they might be regretting years down the road of that tiny fear that drove them to make the worst mistake of their lives.

So how to get through it ? a simple word : commitment. As much as you love some one in your life it is never enough unless you are committed to loving that same person for as long as you live. And every single day as you gaze upon that very face, your love for her will just keep growing as much as your commitment to the relationship, because you know that that very girl may just very well be the love of your life for as long as your lungs can breathe and heart can beat. Because, when commitment and love sets in, then comes all the effort you two will put in to make the relationship work and everything will be just fine. =)

I love my Bebe and i know she loves me too. =) And i am committed to this relationship and i do not hesitate to say that my love for her indeed is and will continue to grow each and every day even by just the thought of her. Because i know that we may be far right now, but one day we will be near each other, and for as long as we trust and love one another, everything will be just fine. I love you Bebe, more than you ever imagine. =)

Me and my sunshine =)


Me and my Bebe =)

Journey through the storm..

As we walk through the valley of life, we will come to notice that everything is more than just a game. We brace ourselves and face the storm; with swords and shields we wield and fortify our ground. And every once in a while, we take a deep breath, hoping that no opportunist would come and snipe us down. So we kept alert and with our eyes wide opened as the eagle's. Then, at certain point of our lives, we come across someone attractive, and we begin to let down our shield, sheath the sword. And as time goes by, we removed our armor and helmet, and our faces began to show. Emotions that were guarded, now runs free and seem ever so comfortable at it's own pace. We began to trust so much more than we could ever, we tore down every brick we built before, and with a hammer, we smashed down barriers around us. Just as everything was going on well, we find ourselves walking into a very trap of thorns, arrows and piercing weapons. Cutting from every angle, slicing our flesh, our blood oozed out of the flesh, we cried in pain but nothing could be done, for we walked right into the wounds that could have been prevented by the shield and armor we once wore. So we ran, we ran with all our might, we ran until we could not run anymore. With every step of bloody footprints and dripping wounds, we held our breath and kept moving away; away from the place where it all taken place. Everything happened so quickly, that within moments we find ourselves collapsing on the hard earth, tearing with reasons that we could not understand. We dragged ourselves around for a while; with little strength, we breathed heavily. Time does miracles, the bleeding stopped, the pain was gone, bandages removed but scars were formed. We then returned to the very same spot where we began. Picking up the shield and sword that we left behind, we put them on and walk with no physical hurt but only pain in the memories of the scars left on our bodies. We wore armors, we held shields, we wielded swords, we built walls and barriers thicker than before. We become sharper than the eagle, tougher than the bear, swifter than the cheetahs; and slowly we moved, constantly reminding ourselves to not let loose of our guard. With our hands rubbing on the scars left on our flesh, we stiffen our jaws and gritted our teeth and walked every step with heavy breaths; fearing of the known and unknown that might strike anytime and anywhere. We walked with no openings, not realizing the chinks in the armor that could give us away..

run..

You be yourself, and I'll be me.

You run your race, and I'll run mine.

If you do fall, I'll come by.

Together we run, and we'll do just fine..

Be a warrior..

Why is it so difficult to fall in love and even more difficult to fall out of it?

Does it not bother you how everything should be but never came to be?

You run into love one day and you find yourself the luckiest person on earth, but little do you know that you are just about this close to pain, hurt, burnt and even sharp piercing coming from the sharpest weapon of all times. You think you have it all, but in fact you have not anything but just a little happiness in which could last but did not. It's like climbing a hill and falling down half way through or maybe even at the very top. Slow steps and constant efforts were put into every inch of height you climbed, but it takes only one small pebble to get you off footing and fall like a rock, back to where you started, except this time, with bruises and wounds; and probably the fear to climb that very hill again. 

So do you not climb and save all the hurt or do you climb and take the risks? The risk to either end up in the happiest place you could be, or back in where you belonged with cuts and wounds that turn into scars and never heal completely. Brave yourself, but do not be a fool. Instead, be a warrior, a warrior who believes in what he or she is doing, and goes on all the way to the end; no matter how many times he or she falls apart, or gets pounding back and forth by large swords and hammers of the enemies. A warrior runs and falls, but never stops running. A warrior goes into battle with sword drawn and armor worn, swinging his weapon with full strength. The swings may seem wild, but they were actually precise and limitless concentration was put into every swing; aiming to win over the enemy, to kill with one strike. Every warrior who goes into the battlefield they are ready to face death, but more often than not, it is their enemy that faces death instead. 

Brave yourself, but do not be a fool. For a fool puts on a fake front, and when he or she fails, he or she perishes and no longer come of existence. So be a warrior; grip your sword and face the horde of suffering and pain. Be a warrior, grit your teeth and come out swinging. 

i need..

i dream even when i do not care to. 

i think even when i do not need to.

i walk even when i do not have to.

i cry even when i do not want to.

i do things that i myself do not know why. i find myself drawing ink on a white piece of paper, not knowing the shape or even the colour i've drawn. i look into the sky, and find myself so distant away from the stars and the moon. i want to go there, i want to be closer to space. i want to fly, fly off this surface of earth and dirt, to a brand new place where nothing can touch me, nothing can hurt me. i want a lot of things, but i can only get this much, and that is reality. Sometimes, or rather, many times, we get stuffs that we do not want and we do not get the things that we want. But i guess, we do always get what we need, even at times we do not know that that very thing is what we really need. We may not want it, but we actually needed it to wake us up, or make us a stronger and better person.

we want a lot of things, but truly it is only those things that we need we get. And i guess, we should be thankful, because, if we get what we want all the time, we might end up spoilt and destroyed. But what we need will always make us a better person tomorrow and the day after and in the future. 

wonders..

I wonder how, I wonder why and I stop wondering.

Because, there is no point in doing so.

Instead, I started staring into empty space; this time, pretend to wonder, but in actual fact it is all blank in the very lobes that control my thoughts and movements. 

Very ironic it is, where I found it pointless to actually think and replaced it with an even meaningless act of "thinking". Especially on a stage with no audience or judges. 

Then I wonder how, and I wonder why, and I stop wondering..

Because, there is no point..

Am I?

Am I chasing after the wind, that comes and caress my face and disappears the next moment?

Am I following the rainbow, which it's end never seem to come to pass?

Am I running a race with no ending line drawn?

Am I walking on muddy pool, that turned out to be sinking sands, slowly sucking me in?

Am I flying in the sky, only to find myself falling like a rock with no wings?

Am I mesmerized by the sun and it's sheer brightness, only to find myself blind the very next second?

Am I jumping on concrete ground with no shoes on, bleeding away with wounds and scratches on my feet?

Am I stupid?

yes..