.....

Many times i find it difficult to let certain things go in my life. Time and again i feel as if i have lost my mind, but my body keeps on going on with the daily routine; walking, running, reading, sleeping. I want to be free of everything in the past, but they return to haunt me, tear me down every single time when im happy, or when i smile. I tried to get distracted, i tried to get some sleep, but all i end up in was getting distracted by my past and dreaming dreams that made me cry in my sleep. People say you should move on, and live a happier life, a life with no worries with just carefree and wonderful moments. but what does moving on truly means? do every human being move on just the same when they feel pain or sadness in their hearts? can you just do not care about the things that meant so much to you in a month or two? can you get over it completely, regardless of how deep the cut was? can the wound heal?....

I feel lost, so distant from my very own heart. I cannot seem to feel myself anymore. I am numb. I laugh in front of others, but cry in front of the mirror. I feel far away from You, the One and only who can pick me up whenever i need You. But i feel far away right now...i feel alone..help..

hold on..

There are times and situations when you know you cannot let your true self be shown. You know very well that your true feelings should be kept hidden only to yourself for whatever reason you think it's best. Some feelings are best kept unknown. So let it be, let it be that way, even if it hurts so bad; knowing that you do not want to be seen or viewed that way, especially by people who means so much to you. It feels as if you cannot show that you care when you are caring, and you can only love by not showing it. So stay strong, no matter what. Keep firm to what you have decided. For you know better than anyone what is best for you or for that matter, for everything. Do not regret, do not fret, and slowly let it go. There are times and situations when you have no one to hold on to, but always remember you have Him and He alone is more than enough. He's never too small for your problems, neither too big to catch you when you fall. So stand strong; not by your own strength, but through His strength and power, you stand firm and take each step forward, slowly but surely..

footprints..

It's funny how life turned out to be. Years ago i would never have imagined myself being here in the very spot i am standing right now. I still remember back when i was younger; in the days of "no worries about future", i had weird ambitions like being a professional squash player, and even had many things that seem like big worries in my life at that point of time. Now that i look back, i may still laugh at my ambition back then, but i was glad i have been through all the pain and worries that i complained so much about. It was indeed, because of the very things i have been through, that i become who i am today.

If i was asked to list out the very little things that hold me together for so many years, i would name friendship as one of the top of the list. It is no wonder that friendship comes just next in line after God and family. The very day we step out of our house, we meet new faces other than our very own family members. We go to school and realized that there are many others just like us; of the same age, similar size, similar thinking, similar laughter. Then we grow up, and we meet more people, not just from the limited compound of a school, but also the society. And as we walked along our path of life, many people from different walks of life steps into our lives. These people are then referred as friends.

Our lives are no longer to ourselves anymore the very first time we shook the first hand and introduced ourselves to someone. We start sharing our lives with people we call friends, and in return we share their lives too. Pain, happiness, sorrow, tears, joy, excitement, anxiety and fear; we went through them with our friends. Then, as time goes along, we would have met a lot of people, and we start to realize that not everyone of them is the same. We start to experience pain, hurt, betrayal and even rejection in the friendship itself. After much experiences we then come to our senses that there are two main groups of friends; true friends and acquaintances. The difference? One shares both pain and joy with you, the other, just the happy things.

There is an illustration that expresses friendship as the depth of footprints people left in our lives. It was indeed very true. If we think about it, we would not stay put in one place for the rest of our lives. We are bound to meet new people each and every time we reside in a new place, we will then make new friends due to the given circumstances. It is true that we can still keep in touch with friends that we made, who are far away, but we would not be able to be there personally with them anymore; to share and experience their lives. Thus, we move on in life, and start to share our lives with new people and share theirs as well, slowly but surely leaving footprints in their lives, when we are no longer with them.

So the question is not so much of whether you have true friends, but are you a true friend to others? Be a friend, not just an acquaintance, and start leaving footprints in people's lives. And hopefully deep but not shallow footprints. Make a difference in lives of the ones that cross path with you.

What do we do when we fall down?

"Because I love you son." He says

Ryan was on the run of his life, he owed a huge sum of money to a certain loan shark. Just as he was at the verge of being beaten up for what he could not pay back, a man came out and stopped the angry group of men; asked for the amount Ryan owed, reached into his pocket, took out the exact sum of money and paid them. Confused, Ryan asked the man "Why?".

Calmly, he replied," Because i love you son." and walked away.

Another day came, Ryan was walking through a dark and cold valley; shivering and lost, he was about to give up when suddenly a figure of a man came with a torch. The torch was shining bright and the man came over to him, covered him with a coat, took him by his arm and led him out of the valley. The man then took him to a cottage, and got him a room. Just as he was about to leave, Ryan quickly called out to him and asked,"Why?".

And he heard a familiar voice replying, "Because i love you son." And the man walked away.

A few days after that, Ryan picked a fight in a bar, he broke a glass bottle over a man and killed him. Panic-striken, he heard sirens and knew the cops were coming to arrest him, it was too late to escape from the death penalty. Just as the cops were about to come into the bar, a strong hand pushed Ryan aside, grabbed the blood stained bottle from his hand. The cops came in, took hold of the man and dragged him away.

After coming to his senses, Ryan stood up and saw that the man being dragged away by the police officers was the very same man who paid for his debt and saved him from the valley. He then quickly ran after that man and asked,"Why are you doing all these for??"

The man replied,"Because i love you son."

Ryan shouted back, " What are you talking about? I never had a father or anyone in my life!"

The man replied with a smile,"I have always been with you my son, since the very day you were born, watching over you."

And as he was being dragged away, his wallet fell out from his pocket. Ryan picked it up and opened it. Pictures of the man watching over him from behind during his good times, and holding him up when he was in trouble since the very day Ryan was born, flashed before him. The siren sounded and the police car drove off.

looking out the window...i see...

There are so many things going on in people's lives, and how often we as the same species took notice of them? Many of us believed ourselves to be some one good, some one innocent, some one that has not brought any harm to the society, but if we are asked to recall the number of times we hurt somebody, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, it is quite impossible to keep count even if we have more than ten fingers attached to our palms.

For all we know, the very words we say to a person may be the very factor that brought him or her into the life he or she is living. A boy you once know, committed suicide out of a sudden due to the feeling of rejection from society, your words once may have contributed to the foolish act. What kind of world are we living in right now? A world of despair, where every being is judged in accordance to his or her mistakes. Every short comings are magnified and decent points are put off, ignored, as if they are of no value than just common trash. The pressure pressed on by society has caused people to shift their focus onto a limited range of qualities to be considered as someone worth living on the face of the earth.

It is indeed very sad to see humans born of great potential, thrown and cast aside, deemed to be worthless, just for the very fact that they happen to not excel in something that the world entitled it to be 'useful and good'. What kind of world are we living in? How do we as individuals look at other people? Do we judge them by their looks? Popularity? We may greet everyone outwardly with a smile, but what actually is going on in our hearts when we walk pass that very person? How honest can we be with our feelings?

Everyone is born of breath and heart beat. Everyone is born of blood and feelings. The very day we were born, we acquired something called life. We go around living like normal people, trying to strive and be someone of credibility in society, little do we know that the world does not just consist of individuals but a whole big group of people. Our selfishness blinded us from so many people that are scientifically alive but spiritually dead, but we see none of those, because all this while we were looking but into the mirror every single day.

Do not just make a living, but make also a life. A word of encouragement, a genuine smile, or even a sincere helping hand, could make so much of a difference in someone's life. Because, through those actions, we bring a life out of a life itself.