footprints..

It's funny how life turned out to be. Years ago i would never have imagined myself being here in the very spot i am standing right now. I still remember back when i was younger; in the days of "no worries about future", i had weird ambitions like being a professional squash player, and even had many things that seem like big worries in my life at that point of time. Now that i look back, i may still laugh at my ambition back then, but i was glad i have been through all the pain and worries that i complained so much about. It was indeed, because of the very things i have been through, that i become who i am today.

If i was asked to list out the very little things that hold me together for so many years, i would name friendship as one of the top of the list. It is no wonder that friendship comes just next in line after God and family. The very day we step out of our house, we meet new faces other than our very own family members. We go to school and realized that there are many others just like us; of the same age, similar size, similar thinking, similar laughter. Then we grow up, and we meet more people, not just from the limited compound of a school, but also the society. And as we walked along our path of life, many people from different walks of life steps into our lives. These people are then referred as friends.

Our lives are no longer to ourselves anymore the very first time we shook the first hand and introduced ourselves to someone. We start sharing our lives with people we call friends, and in return we share their lives too. Pain, happiness, sorrow, tears, joy, excitement, anxiety and fear; we went through them with our friends. Then, as time goes along, we would have met a lot of people, and we start to realize that not everyone of them is the same. We start to experience pain, hurt, betrayal and even rejection in the friendship itself. After much experiences we then come to our senses that there are two main groups of friends; true friends and acquaintances. The difference? One shares both pain and joy with you, the other, just the happy things.

There is an illustration that expresses friendship as the depth of footprints people left in our lives. It was indeed very true. If we think about it, we would not stay put in one place for the rest of our lives. We are bound to meet new people each and every time we reside in a new place, we will then make new friends due to the given circumstances. It is true that we can still keep in touch with friends that we made, who are far away, but we would not be able to be there personally with them anymore; to share and experience their lives. Thus, we move on in life, and start to share our lives with new people and share theirs as well, slowly but surely leaving footprints in their lives, when we are no longer with them.

So the question is not so much of whether you have true friends, but are you a true friend to others? Be a friend, not just an acquaintance, and start leaving footprints in people's lives. And hopefully deep but not shallow footprints. Make a difference in lives of the ones that cross path with you.

What do we do when we fall down?

"Because I love you son." He says

Ryan was on the run of his life, he owed a huge sum of money to a certain loan shark. Just as he was at the verge of being beaten up for what he could not pay back, a man came out and stopped the angry group of men; asked for the amount Ryan owed, reached into his pocket, took out the exact sum of money and paid them. Confused, Ryan asked the man "Why?".

Calmly, he replied," Because i love you son." and walked away.

Another day came, Ryan was walking through a dark and cold valley; shivering and lost, he was about to give up when suddenly a figure of a man came with a torch. The torch was shining bright and the man came over to him, covered him with a coat, took him by his arm and led him out of the valley. The man then took him to a cottage, and got him a room. Just as he was about to leave, Ryan quickly called out to him and asked,"Why?".

And he heard a familiar voice replying, "Because i love you son." And the man walked away.

A few days after that, Ryan picked a fight in a bar, he broke a glass bottle over a man and killed him. Panic-striken, he heard sirens and knew the cops were coming to arrest him, it was too late to escape from the death penalty. Just as the cops were about to come into the bar, a strong hand pushed Ryan aside, grabbed the blood stained bottle from his hand. The cops came in, took hold of the man and dragged him away.

After coming to his senses, Ryan stood up and saw that the man being dragged away by the police officers was the very same man who paid for his debt and saved him from the valley. He then quickly ran after that man and asked,"Why are you doing all these for??"

The man replied,"Because i love you son."

Ryan shouted back, " What are you talking about? I never had a father or anyone in my life!"

The man replied with a smile,"I have always been with you my son, since the very day you were born, watching over you."

And as he was being dragged away, his wallet fell out from his pocket. Ryan picked it up and opened it. Pictures of the man watching over him from behind during his good times, and holding him up when he was in trouble since the very day Ryan was born, flashed before him. The siren sounded and the police car drove off.

looking out the window...i see...

There are so many things going on in people's lives, and how often we as the same species took notice of them? Many of us believed ourselves to be some one good, some one innocent, some one that has not brought any harm to the society, but if we are asked to recall the number of times we hurt somebody, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally, it is quite impossible to keep count even if we have more than ten fingers attached to our palms.

For all we know, the very words we say to a person may be the very factor that brought him or her into the life he or she is living. A boy you once know, committed suicide out of a sudden due to the feeling of rejection from society, your words once may have contributed to the foolish act. What kind of world are we living in right now? A world of despair, where every being is judged in accordance to his or her mistakes. Every short comings are magnified and decent points are put off, ignored, as if they are of no value than just common trash. The pressure pressed on by society has caused people to shift their focus onto a limited range of qualities to be considered as someone worth living on the face of the earth.

It is indeed very sad to see humans born of great potential, thrown and cast aside, deemed to be worthless, just for the very fact that they happen to not excel in something that the world entitled it to be 'useful and good'. What kind of world are we living in? How do we as individuals look at other people? Do we judge them by their looks? Popularity? We may greet everyone outwardly with a smile, but what actually is going on in our hearts when we walk pass that very person? How honest can we be with our feelings?

Everyone is born of breath and heart beat. Everyone is born of blood and feelings. The very day we were born, we acquired something called life. We go around living like normal people, trying to strive and be someone of credibility in society, little do we know that the world does not just consist of individuals but a whole big group of people. Our selfishness blinded us from so many people that are scientifically alive but spiritually dead, but we see none of those, because all this while we were looking but into the mirror every single day.

Do not just make a living, but make also a life. A word of encouragement, a genuine smile, or even a sincere helping hand, could make so much of a difference in someone's life. Because, through those actions, we bring a life out of a life itself.

Scary world...

There are times when things are just too scary for us to handle; driving us into a dark corner, making us believe that there is no hope or any future to look upon to. Days will pass and our self confidence is left buried deep in the earth, facing difficulty surfacing. What then do we do? Who do we turn to? Many would turn to their friends, family, some would turn to their religion, principles and beliefs. But of all those people, there will be a hand full of them who turns to no one but themselves; putting all the weight over their bare backs, trying to carry it and run the race of life. These people are the ones that need the most support and comfort at their darkest times, this is because they seek no one and thus making themselves vulnerable to any attacks awaiting in the misty dark world. How many times do we actually neglect our friends when they actually need us to be beside them holding them, to be their crying shoulder, to be there listening to them, to be just there for them. It is very common for us to think for ourselves before hand everytime when our friends are in need of someone. We will start calculating the time we would be spending with them, the energy we would be using to comfort them, the amount of money or things we need to sacrifise to be there for them or to even help them, but we tend to forget what really is important in our very own lives and souls, we focus too deeply on worldly things to the extend that we are not willing to give up temporary objects to save a living soul. How blind can we be comparing lives with objects; the living and the non-living, when there is obviously no comparison between the two. Everything in the world is short lived, nothing lasts forever, everything rots one day and dies and we humans are not an exception to this very destiny. The body can die, but the spirit and soul lives forever, thus on this earth we die but in actual fact we will live forever due to our very own souls in us. The very soul explains and it is our existance; it is because we have a soul of our own that we exist. Why then do we look at things so absurdly? We rather choose things that are not even worth anything in eternity over lives that are priceless; is that not plain madness? We only have so much time, and so long to live, our lives are unpridictably short, and here we are wasting it to gather earthly treasures in which measure to nothing when we die. What is the point of all these acts then when it comes to nothingness in the end of the day?

"Meaningless, meaningless, meaningless!", cried King Solomon in Ecclesiastes, he is indeed right. Life is meaningless, correction, physical life on earth is meaningless; everything you toil for and work for will come to insignificance when the end of time arrives. To put it more accurately, what ever we try to do now to make our lives luxurious on this face of the earth is absolutely meaningless regardless of the time frame, it is only when the end of time comes we realise that it is all of no value and utter rubbish. Why live then? Why not just take our own lives and be that way when our souls will live forever anyway? Why then are we working so hard each day to find a place in society, to put bread into our very own mouths, to quench our thirst and hunger? God created all things so that we live, He asked mankind to go forth and multiply, not go forth and kill yourself. What then am i talking about when i say what we are living now is meaningless? Meaningless only comes when we start worshipping life on earth. When we become to obsessed with things like money and materials, we have fallen into the loop of trivial cycle. Our whole life would be spent looking for fame and wealth, looking for things which are as shallow as our naked eyes could see. There was once a man who was running a race, wanting the trophy badly, he was focused on the finish line. On the way to the finish line, he passed by several contestants who fell and were injured, he closed an eye and continued, then later on, he came across an old man who need help crossing a busy road, not having the time, he dashed away and left the poor old man standing helpless at the side way. There after, he met alot of people who are in need, some were his friends, some were his family members, some were just strangers to him, but none recieved any help from him, because he was focused to finish the race and to own the trophy. When he finally came to the finish line, he roared in victory and claimed the trophy; turning around, he found himself cheering for himself, no one was there along side him. Then he realised that he left all of them behind for the very trophy he was holding, the prize in which became as empty as his heart. The true race from the very beginning has totally nothing to do with who being first and who obtaining the trophy or the prize, it was all about caring and loving, helping each other to finish the race, the real prize is the friendship and relationship made during the race, how ignorant of us to overlook such important things as such in our lives.

What is life all about then? Success? Fame? None of those i would say. I do not know about you, but to me, life is all about love. Love in which brings us together as one. We can have all the money and fame in the world, but without love, nothing comes to pass. Without love, nothing is real nor true. It is said in the Bible that the greatest commandment is to love your neighbour as yourself, in other words, love others the way you would love yourself. This commandment does not just speak to the christians, i believe that it makes total sense to many people from other religions as well. How can we say we love our family and friends when we do not love them as we would love ourselves? What is love when u do not care for others like how you care for yourself? Love is only true when it is sincere, loving some one fully is giving our hundred percent of the love, not dividing the love we have for others, because there is always enough love to give; for love multiplies.

A scary world we live in; where people around says that they love us but really how much do they actually mean it? I believe that all of us made the exact same mistake of telling someone that we love him or her, when we really do not feel the same way as we speak, because love is more than just feelings or emotional rush at the very moment, it is also a commitment we place in our hearts as we speak the three very words :"I love you." A commitment in which is easy to start but never easy to hold on to it, love may be just a four letter word, but it speaks more than anything else, because with love comes everything and nothing lives without it.

have you found it?

Many people find it hard to grasp the main principle in life. They all want to excel in everything they do; in work, in studies, in sports, in games even in love. Most will aim for an A in whatever they have devoted themselves to, be it studies or work, but how many actually aim for an A in life? No matter how successful one can be in their work place or in their studies, if they have no purpose in life, everything is meaningless. What is the point of gaining all the money you can, all the A’s in all of the subjects you are studying, but do not have a true purpose that you are actually living for? One may say that money is their purpose in life, but how long can it last? Material things fade away, and when they fade away, what else is there to live on for? One will end up moving from things to things, items to items, people to people to search for that one thing that can keep them living on this earth with enough reasons. What good will these bring them then? Where will they go from there? A true purpose in life is when everything is stripped off a person, and he or she still lives on with a satisfied heart, knowing that he or she has enough reasons to live a fulfilled life.

Have you found a true purpose in life?

normal / special ??

Many times i ask a very common question almost everyone would ask- "why me?". There are times in my life when things are placed onto my shoulder and i just do not know whether i am fit for it or not, and what is worse, people around me actually believe that i can do it. Ironic is it not? That people believe in you more than you believe in yourself. To begin with, i totally rate myself as someone normal, not really special in any ways. Comparing myself with people around me, i see so many great individuals in whom are so great in their own ways, and honestly i envy them at times. They can write better than me, they are better interms of academics, they read faster, they run faster, they talk better, they think faster even, and they are just so matured n capable in many ways, so much so that i do not even stand a chance if i were to stand next to any of them and begin comparing myself with them. They seem greater, and no matter what i do or say, i can never surpass them, not in any ways that i know of ofcourse.

Dispite all these complicated low self esteem, people keep telling me that i am special, as a special girl in my life would say :" You're special to me Jien." =), Thanks Nicole, really appreciate that. Well, maybe i do stand a certain value in her life, but who am really in my own life? Am i not suppose to be the main character in my life? Why cant i just see a tiny little bit of greatness in myself? Why cant i just stop comparing myself with others? Everyone is imperfect isnt it? Then how come they seem so perfect to me in my eyes? Questions after questions, none will be answered with satisfactory for i am the judge to all answers given to these questions, and as much as i do not want to accept certain facts, i hear and listen nothing to what others say, as long as it is not what i want to hear, it will not pass. Such ignorance? Ignorance is bliss? No, not all the time. =)

I want to be smarter. I want to be taller. I want to be bigger. I want to be quicker. I want to be greater in many ways, i want i want i want...but i cant, or atleast not yet. I am just a normal kid, i have never topped in class, i have never excell extremely well in sports, i have never really out spoken anyone in debates, or write an article so great that it gets posted up in newspaper.=P...i am just a normal person, and no doubt, so is everyone else around me, just that i do not see it. This feeling of being normal is beginning to confuse me, for the longer i feel this way, the more it seems as if i want to feel normal, and i just want to be normal for the sake of feeling normal. As weird or insane as it may seem, it is true. For even if i am able to solve a hundred calculus questions in a minute or run as fast as a lightning, i will still say i am normal. This normality feeling is getting into me, it has become part of me for some reason, and i just cannot get rid of it.

Am i truely normal then? Well, scientifically speaking, i am. I have normal body cells, no mutated ones (Thank God, if not i'll be dying in months to come). I have bones and flesh, i have 2 eyes, 2 arms and 2 legs. I am pretty much a normal person on the outside. But the question here is whether am i normal on the inside? I do not know. But i do know that i am a son of God, is that supposed to be special then? i guess so. I am created different from others, so therefore i am special? Logically speaking, yes. Do i feel special? I don't really know what to feel like anymore...

I may not be as smart as most people, i may not be as tall or big as most people, i may not be as good in music or sports as others, but i am sure i am still who i am, God made me so, thus i am different from others and that itself makes me special. What does it really mean to be special? To be better than others? To shine above the rest? If every outstanding quality of a person reflects how special the person is, then who is truely special? I believe, a person is special based on their own personality and the fact that he or she is not like anyone else, and that itself makes him or her special, not just in the eyes of mortals, but also in the eyes of God.=)

I am special. Not because i can do things that others cannot, not that i can impress or charm people better than anyone else, but the simple fact that i am different from others is what makes me special. Who am i? I am a son of God. Special? Yeah, i guess. Thank You God, You made me special.=)

wordless..

I want to say so many things, but i just cannot find the right words to say, or rather i cannot find the right way to arrange my sentences in such a way i present completely in a perfect manner of what i want it to. In the end, writing becomes meaningless. Thoughts flow in the head, but no words written down. Indeed, i am wordless...

Do you truely know me?

Create your own Friend Test here

Leaning Tower of Sprite

Well, i was sitting on the same usual dining table, at the same usual dining place- Medan. And as usual, the food came very slowly, and the drinks came 1st. Waiting , waiting and waiting, i got bored so i decided to do something with my can drink. After pouring out a portion of the drink into the cup, and putting a pinch of my muscles into work, i got the can standing like the Leaning Tower of Pissa.*thumbs up* Enjoy the nice piece of art, and do not try this at home.=P

PS: Its real, no camera trick or what so ever.

Book of life

It has been hard these days to put my thoughts into words. Sliding my fingers on the keyboard has become a natural movement when it comes to chatting online with friends, but when it comes to expressing my thoughts, hesitation always appears and leads me into nothingness. An empty page leads to an empty page, and brain full of thoughts becomes thin air when tried to print into words. Everytime i start to write, the words that come out ever so difficult from my jumbled mind will always be erased off in the end, when it just so suddenly turned meaningless. Even as i am typing my thoughts now, every second i doubt whether this will last, wondering whether my hand would just trigger a simple button and be rid of everything. Unpredictable eventhough it is of part of my own body, an organ in which i could control so well, yet fail to keep hold of it many times.

If you think about it, our lives is also in a very similiar dimension. We were born and brought up to be a man or woman. We tackle life and meet lots of experiences and people. We began to write down our stories in each of our very own blank piece of white paper. From the very little issue that hurts us so bad, to the biggest problems that really crushed us into paper balls. From the very 1st day we meet the friendliest people in our lives, till the day we find ourselves holding such grudge on certain souls that we dispised so much of. Our successes, failures, loves, interests, fellowships, friendships, possesions, all these were put down into the blank piece of book, a book in which we call it LIFE.

Then one day, we will begin to look back into the pages of our lives, and begin to see and realise the ugly moments of our lives in which we hoped that it never had occured. We then begin to take an eraser, ink remover, liquid paper, and by all means try to get rid of the black print in which will not disappear, only leaving us to sigh in vain. Regreting the past actions, we then vow not to ever get involve in that particular activity anymore, but being imperfect, we some how end up doing the same thing and going through the same pain we went through before. Then we decide not to record them, and to just leave the page of ugly moments blank, thinking that we are smart enough to evade the pain. But some how or the other, the pen moves by itself, and memories are yet again written down no matter how much we hate it.

We try tearing it, we try burning it, we try dumping it somewhere far far away, but nothing's changed. Every page we tear, will not split. Every piece we burn, will not flame. Every paper we throw, will be blown back by an invisible wind. As frustrating as it can be, we are helpless, and not to mention, hopeless.

Such is life? Yes, but such is not the end of life. Some where along the line, we will meet someone in which would come into our lives and change us for the better; giving us hope and light. He will come and recieve us into His own hands and begin to write our stories for us, helping us day by day to forget the past words that were written in our lives. The dreading book of life of our own will ofcourse still be there, but He will come and give us a new book, a new beginning, a new hope. This new book of life is the book of eternal life, a life in which is given to us for eternity, a life with hope to live forever and ever. And with this new book of life, the past is past, not that it does not affect our lives anymore, but it has become meaningless by itself.

I have had my own book of life, a book where all the pages are filled with my happy and ugly moments, but now, i have obtained a new book of life. Stories written in it may still be the same, but what is different is that this book is no longer based on me,i and myself, but this book is centered around the very one who gave it all to me-The Almighty God.=)

Hiding place

Run run run, run into the wilderness, run into the land of unknown, run into where i would never go, run into my greatest fear.

Gaze upon the sky, look into the dark blue atmosphere, search for stars, search for moon, sees nothing but puffs of haze and clouds.

Sings a song, voices a tune, cracks a tone and brings the rain pouring.

Carries a bag, a bag full of tools, runs with bag, falls with bag, climbs and walks with bag, rugged as it is, its always on my back.

Drinks fresh water to fill my thirst, drink and drink, only to be thirsty again, wets a throat, dries a throat, a cycle ever so annoying.

Shafts fly towards me, knives pierce ever so painfully deep down my heart, fear rises within my soul, so much that i cannot stand.

Run run run, run into the wilderness, run into the land of unknown, run in search of a refuge so big to protect me from all things. Finds a place, finds a presence, finds a comforting silence. A place i have found, a place in which nobody can invade, a place where i go when fears arise, when terror strikes ever so maliciously. A place with the presence of the Almighty, a place with the everlasting peace and comfort, a place filled with ever flowing energy, a place where i will run and seek after it, as it has become my hiding place.

Life

Run like the wind,
fly like the eagle,
high up in the sky,
high and high it never comes down.

Jump like the monkey,
swim like the fish,
up on the tree and deep in the sea,
never seems to settle down.

Search for gold,
search for silver,
finds a coal,
falls a hope.

Climb a mountain,
travel a valley,
up up you go, and down down you come,
rise laugh, fall tears.

Run like the wind,
fly like the eagle,
jump like the monkey,
swim like the fish.

Search for gold,
search for silver,
climb a mountain,
travel a valley.

Falls and break,
rise and shine,
take it all, take it all,
take it all away from me.

Run a race hand in hand,
comforted when fall, carried when bled,
rejoiced when rised, acknowledged when succeeded,
run a race till the very end, the greatest Companion was with me.

night sky

Gazing into the dark blue sky, my heart floated into mid-air, as if i was being held on top of the world; hovering peacefully with constant pace above the surface of the earth. Taking my view off the sky, i was back on hard earth, standing with my two feet stuck on the ground, i took a deep breath of the much fresh air which filled my lungs with satisfaction of confidence; the confidence that i will live to take another breath. Then i looked at the ground beneath my feet and realised that i was standing on soft green pasture, and bare footed i was, i felt comfortable as the grass began to caress my feet, massaging them with such elegance that only the nature could give. I stretched my body and sat on the ever inviting natural cushion which acted as a magnet, keeping my lower part of body close in contact with it, refusing to budge from its position. Once again i fixed my eyes on to the sky and this time i saw stars, shining so brightly, positioned in such beautiful arrangement and pattern, way beyond what was expected or imagined. As i enjoyed the anticipation of seeing more of what the stars could show me, i smelled a stench of loneliness in the atmosphere and only then it came to me that i was alone in the darkest night with only lights that nature provided best. I ignored the annoyingly stinging solitary feeling and when back in focus on my date with the night sky. Lifting my head once more, a brighter light unexpectedly shone into my eyes, i was caught a back but turned to look for the source of it and found myself looking at one of the most beautiful creation of God - The Moon. As i began to admire its light and shape of sheer perfect roundness, i looked more closely and realised that on the surface of the moon laid many dents and ugly scars, but yet on the whole it looked perfectly fine and wonderful with its brightness upholding its reputation.

The moon is filled with scars but yet its called a beauty by millions of tongues, if a moon can be judged that way, why not a human? The moon is not afraid to show its flaws, though filled with dents n scars it shines ever brightly with pride and honour, shouldn't us human do the same? Perfect is no human and beauty is all mankind, it is of no rights of anyone to call the other ugly for his or her flaws, for the former himself will suffer from the name that comes out of his mouth as he himself has flaws as well; call a person ugly and you are uglier, but call a person beautiful and you will be a much more beautiful person than you used to be. Imperfection is common, hiding them will only reveal more of your flaws, admitting to them will bring you not shame but pride, honour and respect, for a man who admits to his flaws is truthful not only to others and himself, but most importantly to the One above who created and made it all.

Gazing into the dark blue sky, i smiled with the knowledge that as imperfect as i am, i am beautiful.

Loss...

How does it feel to lose someone you love? Well, i know the answer. Losing someone you love hurts, it pains and its grieving. You will question alot about life, death and even God many times. You will feel so dazed and so lost, not knowing what to think of and lose all the mood you have in something which you are doing in an instant. Its not easy to lose someone that you love, especially in such a sudden moment of time, catching you out of guard. You will mourn, you will cry, you just cant be bothered about everything around you. It is like losing your soul and yet at the same time your body still dwells among man. Your mind will be oblivious to the surroundings many times and when you are alone you will just find the silence depressing. Yea, losing someone is hard, and losing someone you love is harder still. Nothing is easy, nothing is simple, life is complicated as death is almost the same as well. Though no matter how many times i tell myself that i should rejoice instead of grieve for the person is in a better place now, i still find it hard to rejoice deep down in my heart. Knowing that it is over and the person is in a better place and actually accepting it are two different things. I tried my best to remain strong and happy but still i fail, only to find myself grieving even more when i am alone. Then i came upon Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4- For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. A time to mourn and a time to rejoice. It took me some time to register this into my head, and before i actually knew it, i was grieving over the loss again. I am still in grief, no doubt about that, especially when i am alone, but soon this season will come to an end then a season to rejoice will come into the picture. Though happiness may not always be with me, but the JOY i have in Him would last forever and ever, never coming to an end, for it is a joy of eternity and a joy of life. Am i sad? Yes, i am. But not for very long, for the time will come when i rise and rejoice again.

Death is nature of life, a common destiny for all living things.

Tired...

Tiredness loomed down onto my shoulders like the weight of the deepest ocean. Life seemed so unfair and meaningless, everything went wrong and nothing went right. I laid down all my work, burden of which i have been carrying on my back for the pass few months and jumped into bed, woke up next morning and everything went back to carrying the heavy bag on my shoulders, pressuring studies in my mind, busyness as a committee in the CF, it went round and round again, just like a circle of train tracks; there is a beginning and no end, it goes on and on, almost insignificant.

I walked around college aimlessly, not literally but spiritually aimlessly, knowing what i was to do the next moment but not knowing what the was the purpose for it. It was pure blindness, the blindness of the heart; doing so much but yet with so little of meaning in it. Then it hit me in the head that i was wrong in my perception, i began to see things as burdens of which i have to carry, everyday it became heavier and heavier and truely i lost the significance of doing it and tiredness overtook my life. I woke up and came back into a sense of realization and was reminded of what my purpose in life was. I came to remember the reason why i was and am still living. There is no greater reason than God Himself.

Coming back on track, everything went on better; the burden became joy, the tiredness brought smile out of my face and the world seemed to be a better place to live in, a much better place. I still feel tired many times, the tiredness has not gone just like that, even as i pen down my words now. It is still there, bad things still happens, incidents, responsibilities, relationships, illness, all these still occurs but my way of approaching them has changed and that makes all the difference. Going through life is not that hard afterall, for instead of facing calamities with my own strength, i face them with a greater and much superior power, God's strength.

I am tired most of the time, both physically and mentally, not to mention spiritually as well. Life seems very disappointing many times, frustrations never cease to come into my life. I fell many times and picked myself up only to find that God was with me all these while. I complained many times, thinking that no one was listening, only to realise that God was quietly listening all these while. I cried to myself thinking that no one cared, only to realise that God was comforting and soothing my soul all these while. I felt tired many times but still carried on, feeling proud of myself and my own abilities, only to realise that it was God's strength and not my own that i was working with. I yearned for a resting shoulder, only to realise that God's shoulder was always ready for me to rest on.

As tired as i can be, as lowly as i can feel, the joy in my heart and the fire in my soul can never stop burning. Life is most definitely wonderful and great for i carry not a burden but a joy in which kept me going; living a life filled with hope and love that can never be aquired on this earth itself. I am always tired, i become frustrated and disappointed with my life many times, i do know that life can be tough sometimes and many times its just ugly, but as terrible as it can be I enjoy living the life i am living now, for i know i have indeed the true joy in my life and the reason to live on, for coming back on track to the Lord, the purpose in my life became clear and my existence became significant again.

JOY

Joy is a daily choice, not a future hope.

You choose to be joyful, you don't plan to be joyful. =)

you are beautiful, so am i

Many would have heard this before, but i am going to say it once more, "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and that is true." If one tells you that you are not beautiful, bother not to defend yourself, because he or she is telling the truth but only in their own views. You must remember that the world is big, and there is definitely atleast one person on the surface of the earth that thinks that you look beautiful. Your friends might not look at you as someone beautiful but someone else does, and remember that, beauty does not just lie in the external looks, there's more to beauty and just looks.

Personally, I believe that a person's personality and character outshines the looks. I am not saying this because everyone is saying it, or neither am i saying this to sound wise, but i am saying this because i know very clearly of what is coming out of my mouth. I myself had experienced it before and am experiecing it as i meet new people each day. People that i met in which i do not remember much of their appearance, bloomed into a beauty after knowing them for sometime, indeed surprised me tons. I sometimes asked myself, why didnt i realised earlier how beautiful a certain person was and is, i guess, its just that i never really knew the person well enough to see it. Character and personality does outshines the looks, the heart wins no matter what.

Have you ever come to a point in your life where when you look at everyone else, you just find them beautiful? I don't know about you, but i have, and the time is now. As i began to judge people less of their appearance, i found myself looking into their hearts many times, and no matter who they were or whether their personality matched mine, i found them beautiful and just lovable. Even as their hearts won my favour, their looks became more and more beautiful each day. As i have said before, personality and character outshines the looks, and the heart wins no matter what. Atleast for me it is so.

But i have come to a point where i realised that what is most important is not so much of how the world look at us. Its more of how we look at ourselves and how God looks at us. The world's opinions are not as important as our own and as God's, how can we compare the two person in our lives in whom know us best with the world which hardly can even remember our names in hundred years to come. Remember this, if you see yourself as a beautiful person, you would act as one and you would become one, but nevertheless, no matter how you look at yourself or how the world looks at you, God always see you as a beautiful creation and unique in your own ways, the same goes for everyone. Who are we to judge each others appearance? Doesnt judging belongs to the mouth of the creator? For only the potter can judge his own clay of vase. There is a purpose for each creation, and only the creator knows the answer, who are we to judge, who are we to judge.

Bear in mind always " You are beautiful, so am i."=)

walking

I have been walking alot. I walk to college everyday, i walk around college almost forever, i walk up the stairs to classes (run sometimes), i walk to sunway pyramid mall when i had to, i walk back to the condo everyday after my classes, i walk to dinner, i walk to sports centre just to play my favourite sports, yea, i walk alot, almost never ending. Of all these walks, tiring as they can be, i found them nothing compared to a certain walk in my life in which tires both my body and spirit, it starts at a point and never ends-My walk with God.

Unlike walking to places, walking with God never ends and never stops, its forever and for life. Its not easy and trust me, its tiring and frustrating at times. There is no such thing as rest or just putting it aside for awhile. Walking with God is a constant thing, its like traveling on a journey, you never stop in a journey to a certain place, you keep going until you reach the destination; same thing with the walk with God, its just that the destination is eternity, thus it wont come until we have gone through our second death.

Walking with Him had never been easy, and many times i fell unseizingly. The walk with God its the most tiring and exhausting walk in my life, and what is most surprising is i havent even walked half or a quarter of the journey yet, there is still a long way to go. Everyday i not only walk to places physically, but at the same time, i am walking with Him by my side, i am walking with Him close to my heart. At times when i was happy, He was there, at times when i was sad and down, He was also there. His presence never left me, but many times i forsake Him and acted as if He wasnt with me, complained and found myself filled with nothing but foolishness.

My walk with God isnt just merely a walk, its more than that, its doing what is right in my life according to His commandment, and have a close relationship with Him. Throughout the walk, i have to trust Him to guard me and have faith that He will look after me. Its never easy to trust someone in which you cannot see with your own eyes neither can you feel it literally, but i do feel His presence surrounding me everywhere i go, He is the reason i walk cheerfully many times and He is also the reason why when i am just too tired to walk, i continued walking. He gave me strength to carry on with life when things go rough, and when i am just too worn out and weary, He carries me with the loving arms of His.

I walk alot. I walk to many places in which i could reach with my feet, but the most wonderful walk in my life thus far and in time to come is a certain walk in which i treasure the most, it starts at a point and never ends-My walk with God.

Ponders.....

Looking up into the sky, i wondered, how far were the stars from where i was. Feeling the breeze of the wind, i wondered, how long will the wind continue blowing. Walking along the concrete ground, i wondered, how long did it took them to make such a pavement. I closed my eyes, enjoyed the wind, the ever blowing breeze, as it caressed me, it soothened my soul and calmed me down. I smiled, i just loved the wind. As i gazed into the sky full of stars, i began to ponder about alot of things, i began to see my past, my present.

I began to think of what i have been throught the pass years back in Malacca. The times i made friends, the times i seperated from them, the times i enjoyed the friendships, the times i was hurt by the friendship in which i put so much trust in. Then, many events just ran through my head, from the memories kept so well in the brain. I began to shut my eyes and see all the happy moments and also many heartbreaking ones as well. Shoke my head, opened my eye lids, and the memories were gone, atleast for that period of time.

I positioned my head once more and found myself looking straight into the moon, it was round and shining ever bright. As the light shone on my face, i closed my eyes and began to float into the most recent memories in my life. I thought of people in whom came into my life over here in college, i began to see the faces in whom had made a very great impact in my life in these past few months. Every encouraging words began to pound once more in my ears, every insult, every criticism. I thought about each one of them and realised that some were true and some were not, then unjust criticism began to annoy me, i closed my ears, shoke my head, opened my eyes, and it was back to normal, atleast for that period of time.

This time I positioned myself such that i was able to see both the moon and the stars, as i was enjoying the beauty of the natural lights, a strong breeze came rushing my way, flooding my head with thoughts, i closed my eyes. I began to think of myself currently, i began to judge myself, how i rate compared to others, i began to think about many other things as well, i thought of love, i thought of life, i thought of death. Then the thought of losing close ones came into my head, i was frightened by it, shoke my head, opened my eyes, and it was gone, atleast for that period of time.

My eyes stopped focusing on the sky, i began to feel the whole atmosphere surrounding me, and a sense of comfort came upon me. I started singing and humming how good God was, is and is to come, i began to praise and worship Him in silence and sincerity; pondering about how wonderful God was, is and is to come. And i thanked Him for everything that i have been through, everything that i am going through and everything that i will be going through. I walked back to my room with ease and thankfulness, no longer pondering upon thoughts in which seemed so meaningless afterall.